Campaign Manifestos

Here are some manifestos I’ve written to help sell in campaigns.

Leave the Cult. Join the Club.

Eat raw meat. Drink fish tank cleaner. Sun your perineum.

Follow the Instagram ‘experts’ and use their promo codes for Snake Oil™

Try every single fad diet or be banished.

Follow the gospel according to Goop.

This is Wellness-tology.

Run by the Welluminati

This is the cult of modern-day wellness

Where everything is fake

And every new fad requires your absolute devotion.

Sick of the wellness cult?

Join the club.

Because at Virgin Active, wellness is real.

A real place with real progress.

Deprogram your workout program.

Burn off the Kool-Aid

And join a community, not a cult.

This is Virgin Active.

Leave the cult. Join the club.

Choose Wildly

The world has been tamed.

Everyday life has been made to feel like a simulation.

Every snack is artificial - a goo, a cube, a neon milk.

Every experience is sanitised and ‘grammable

We’re trapped in a meatless matrix

Where the closest we come to nature is the glampsite

But there is a choice. 

You can choose bonfires over fireplace livestreams.

You can choose goat herding over goat yoga.

You can choose football over FIFA.

You can choose to rewild your energy.

It’s simple, you just have to choose Jack Link’s.

You just have to Choose Wildly.

Pause for Nothing

For the fiends who wake up and feel for their headphones …

The ones who snuck an earphone into class through their sleeve …

The ones with a playlist for every mood and moment …

Music is everything.

To hit pause is a tragedy.

To pop off their headphones: a crime against rhythm.

They need their music. And they’ll stop at nothing to get it.

They’ll skip a date for an album drop. 

They’ll listen until their ears hurt… and then keep on listening.

Compromising their music is one compromise they’re not willing to make. 

Not for work. Not for a wedding. 

Not for dirty looks, social norms or anything… 

Will they pause their tunes. 

Bose Serena. Pause for nothing.